This is a recording of a computer screen playing some security cam footage (my favorite kind of video) of a farmer moving some produce with a forklift when he sets off a domino effect of falling boxes. The rest is a hat-stomping cartoon style temper tantrum. Clearly, somebody needs to give baby his bottle. And by baby I mean Old MacDonald here, and by bottle I mean Jim Beam. Let’s get him drunk and roll him down a hill.

Keep going for the full video.

Source: Geekologie – Womp Womp: Farmer Knocks Over All His Fresh Produce, Throws Tantrum

Because KFC, being Taco Bell’s sister company and clearly making calls from the same Think Outside The Box playbook, has announced the release of Kentacos in their Singapore restaurants. Kentacos are tacos with a flattened fried chicken fillet for a shell and “loaded up with cheddar and mozzarella cheeses, cheese sauce [Emmental, Romano and cheddar], lettuce and tomatoes.” Will they make their way to the rest of the world? I’m not sure, but I guarantee there are a lot of Americans waiting with bated, labored breath.

Keep going for a short Instagram video highlighting the ingredients.

Source: Geekologie – It Was Only A Matter Of Time: KFC’s Fried Chicken Shell Tacos

Because Star Wars everything (and I do mean absolutely everything), this is the space slug desk organizer available from Regal Robot. The officially licensed exogorth is cast in solid resin, hand painted, includes a black pencil with millennium falcon pencil topper and costs $99. *spit-takes Minute Maid Tropical Punch* My God — $99?! Contrary to what my roommate just commented as he looked over my shoulder as I wrote this, you should not put your penis in the worm’s mouth. Although, if we’re being completely honest, now I’m really starting to wonder how you’re going to get your $99 worth otherwise.

Keep going for a few more shots.

Source: Geekologie – Real Products That Exist: The Star Wars Space Slug Desk Organizer

These are the ‘Hockey Mask’ personal protection masks being crafted and sold by renowned horror special effects makeup artist and King Of Splatter Tom Savini (who worked on both the original 1980 Friday the 13th and Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)
and Jason Baker (a visual effects artist on The Dark Knight Rises, DM him for sales). The half masks include a fabric interior to help prevent the spread of airborne particulate and cost $60. If you want one signed by Tom then it costs $100. Still, can you really put a price on making sure everyone in public turns around and runs the other way when they see you?

Keep going for a few more shots, including the man himself wearing one.

Source: Geekologie – Jason Vorhees Pandemic Face Masks From Friday The 13th Special Effects Makeup Artist

These are the social distancing crowns created by Burger King Germany. Each cardboard crown extends in a three foot radius around a wearer’s head so that patrons are reminded to keep their distance from each other as the restaurants begin to resume dine-in service. Apparently Burger Kings in Italy are taking a different approach by selling Social Distancing Whoppers, which have three times the regular amount of onions on them. LOL, that’ll certainly keep people away! And vampires. “That’s garlic.” I hate being so stupid. I remember when I was a kid I would always beg my parents to take me to Burger King so I could get a cardboard crown but they convinced me they’ll only give you one on your birthday, presumably to crush my spirit and/or prepare me for the harsh reality of adulthood. Then on my birthday neither one would feel like driving.

Thanks to hairless, who informed me it’s easy to keep six feet away from other people because he just has to imagine two penis-lengths. Haha, just 1.5 for me.

Source: Geekologie – Burger King Germany’s Social Distancing Crowns

This is a series of 3D models created by Turkish character artist Hossein Diba imagining the Simpsons family (plus Mr. Burns) in real life. As you can see, Marge is not nearly as alluring in realistic form as she is in cartoon form. I’m kidding, Marge could never not be a stone cold fox, even without those bedroom googly eyes of hers. I’m just thankful Hossein didn’t decide to do Marge’s sisters too. I mean boners are already hard enough to come by these days. “You’ve gotta stop drinking weed killer.” You think that has something to do with it?

Keep going for a video of each family member, and Mr. Burns, as well as a video of Hossein actually creating the Homer model.

Source: Geekologie – Artist Imagines Simpsons Characters In Real Life

Three young brothers aged 8, 10 and 12 in Bolivia learned the hard way that comic books are a lie after taking turns being bitten by a black widow in an attempt to gain Spider-Man like superpowers. Admittedly, not the dumbest thing I’ve heard of someone doing, not even just today, including adults. Details:

The boys started experiencing symptoms within a few minutes and their concerned mother rushed them to a local health center where their conditions continued to worsen and they were taken to a hospital in Llallagua.

The next day they were transferred to the Children’s Hospital in La Paz, where they were admitted with fever, tremours, sweating and muscular pain, Pietro said.

The boys were successfully treated at the hospital and were able to be discharged a week later.

Pietro said the incident should be taken as a warning that ‘for children everything is real, movies are real’.

It was a valiant effort, but what those kids didn’t realize is *letting spider crawl through glow stick liquid I’ve poured onto table* is the spider has to be radioactive first. “That’s a stink bug, and there’s nothing radioactive about glow sticks.” Whatever *letting bug crawl on chest* ten bucks says I’m weaving nipple-silk by 5PM Eastern.

Thanks to Christopher C, who agrees you don’t know till you try, and even then you can’t be sure you didn’t just do it wrong.

Source: Geekologie – Good Effort: Three Young Brothers Hospitalized After Taking Turns Getting Bitten By Black Widow To Gain Superpowers

This is a video of nine members of a Finnish cycling team attempting to charge a Tesla Model X’s battery with twenty minutes of pedaling. The end result? SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER: enough juice to power the vehicle for an additional 2-kilometers (1.24-miles). For reference, that would get me TO the nearest beer store, but not back, which *steals keys, fills backpack with ice* I’ll okay with.

Keep going for the video while I wonder why those cyclists didn’t just tow me to the beer store in the first place.

Source: Geekologie – Nine Members Of Cycling Team Attempt To Charge Tesla Battery With Pedal Power

This is a TikTok video of musician Kurt Hugo Schneider and a friend performing a-ha’s timeless banger ‘Take On Me’ on the buttons of one of those newfangled washing machines (they should have called it ‘Take On My Dirty Whites’). It must be nice having a fancy musical washing machine like that. What did it cost, a million bucks? Me? I still wash my clothes in the river by beating them with a rock the way an otter does to open a clam. “That’s not how you do it.” Admittedly, my favorite jeans do still look like they were shit recently.

Keep going for the video while I speculate what wash settings you’re left with performing the whole song.

Source: Geekologie – Guy Performs a-ha’s Classic ‘Take On Me’ With Buttons Of Fancy New Washing Machine

In where the hell was my ‘You shall not pass’ warning, this is a chart created by someone who can almost certainly expect an eternity of damnation detailing the unholy mashup faces of various Lord Of The Rings characters. Some of those faces — wow. Still, if you had to have sex with one, who would you choose? “Why not all of them?” Hoho! *high-five*

Thanks to my friend becca b, who informed me Legodalf was her personal favorite. Honestly, anything that’s half Legolas is A-okay in my book.

Source: Geekologie – The Unholy Lord Of The Rings Character Face Mashup Chart

This is the very appetizing looking cheeseburger lingerie set crafted by New Zealand dressmaker and costumier Estelle Peacock (great name for a dressmaker and costumier, btw). As you can see, this particularly delicious ensemble has got all the fixings of a cheeseburger: sesame seed bun bra and panties with burger patty, tomato, cheese, ketchup and lettuce accents, lettuce garters, and, the real icing on the cake — pickle pasties. I asked my girlfriend if she’d ever wear it and she said no so I made a sad face and told her I thought she was my cheeseburger. She insisted she is my cheeseburger so I told her well then you should start dressing like one and that’s when I’m pretty sure she changed the payment method for whatever she was buying on Amazon to my debit card.

Keep going for a few more shots.

Source: Geekologie – Extra Pickles Please: Custom Cheeseburger Lingerie Set

Now I know Andy Serkis recently read the entirety of The Hobbit online to raise money for charity and used his Gollum voice for the Gollum parts, but this is not that. This is a video of a guy doing a Gollum impression and reading the whole first chapter of The Hobbit over the course of an hour. Obviously, if you significant other doesn’t bat an eye when you put this on for a hot and heavy make-out session they definitely love you, but you should still consider breaking up because they’re a freak.

Keep going for the video, and if you’re into this you can explore the Gollum Reads Youtube channel for Gollum reading a variety of different children’s books.

Source: Geekologie – Guy Reads First Chapter Of The Hobbit Entirely In Gollum Voice

This is a year timelapse of some weirdo’s fingernails growing and being cut over the course of a year. “They should have never trimmed it. Right? WE DEMAND COMMITMENT. Compared to mine those are some slow-growing nails. I’m not sure if it was all the milk I drank growing up, but if I didn’t cut my nails at least every two weeks I would have talons and my girlfriend would probably never ask me for a massage ever again *light bulb goes off in head, throws nail clippers in river* As someone pointed out in the Youtube comments, the nail isn’t even where the most fascinating action is, it’s watching the cuticle change over time. Also if you masturbated watching this I want you to delete my number from your phone.

Keep going for the full year experience.

Source: Geekologie – How Fascinating: A Year Timelapse Of Someone’s Fingernails Growing And Repeatedly Being Cut