Clever: A Six-Pack Can Holder That Looks And Is Carried Like A Rolled Up Yoga Mat

beer-cooler-yoga-mat.jpg

This is the very clever $30 Beer Mat from developer of stealth drinking accessories Trinken. Made from actual recycled yoga mats, the cooler “holds up to 6 cans and keeps them cold for hours. A false end opens and closes to let drinks in and out and each mat comes with a carrying strap that makes it look like you’re walking around with a yoga mat!” Now if you’ll excuse me *wink* I think it’s time for yoga. “You mean some incognito beers.” No I mean actual yoga, my girlfriend is making me. “Then why the wink?” I want you to hit me with your car so I don’t have to go again. “Why, what happened last time?” I don’t want to talk about it. “Come on.” Fine — I farted in a hot yoga studio the Saturday morning after a night of heavy drinking. “You didn’t!” People suffocated.

Thanks to Jerry M, who clearly either owns or operates Trinken but failed to offer to send me a sample. That hurt.

Source: Geekologie – Clever: A Six-Pack Can Holder That Looks And Is Carried Like A Rolled Up Yoga Mat

Whoa: This Beautiful Star Wars CGI Short, 'Last Stand'

This is Star Wars: Last Stand, a short fan made CGI film featuring a bunch of beautifully rendered stormtroopers (in 4K too) attacking an unseen foe. In the creator’s own words while I too lash out at an unseen foe and worry my coworkers. ADMIT IT — ADMIT YOU’VE BEEN STEALING MY DREAMS:

Star Wars: The Last Stand is a dynamic, gritty and somewhat over the top full CGI depiction of battle worn storm troopers facing off against an unknown enemy.

Stormtroopers are often portrayed as somewhat silly and incompetent, so I wanted to create a film to showcase troopers as skilled fighters, which is how I see them. Having the simple idea of showing Stormtroopers fighting, I knew the crux of the project would be to illustrate the battle in an interesting way. To do this I wanted to use dynamic camera angles, focusing on moments and scenes we don’t usually see in Star Wars films. I worked on this piece on and off for 3 years, mostly by myself.

That’s cool, but what were they fighting? Because as much as you really wanted to “showcase troopers as skilled fighters,” I’m fairly certain they either caught a group of their own in friendly fire, or, perhaps even more likely, were just attacking and losing to a reflective surface.

Keep going for the video while I ignore all argumentative comments about blaster colors.

Source: Geekologie – Whoa: This Beautiful Star Wars CGI Short, ‘Last Stand’

A Selection Of Metal Covers Of Kenny Loggins' 'Danger Zone' From Top Gun

Note: Gif is from the Psychostick cover.

With everyone excited about a Top Gun sequel coming out, musicians Dan Vasc and Victor The Guitar Nerd decided to perform a metal cover of Kenny Loggins’ get amped classic ‘Danger Zone’. And, after searching Youtube, I saw there were already numerous other metal covers of the song (this is the internet, after all). So, to honor those who came before, I added a handful of those as well. I liked the effort most put into their music videos, and I thought the performances were pretty good overall. Maybe not as good as my cover of ‘Danger Zone’, but that’s just because my cover isn’t a cover, or even a song at all, it’s just where the highway ended and where I live my life now.

Keep going for the music video.

Source: Geekologie – A Selection Of Metal Covers Of Kenny Loggins’ ‘Danger Zone’ From Top Gun

A New Super Mario Bros. Speedrun Record

new-super-mario-speedrun-record.jpg

This is a video of speedrunner Kosmic setting a new world record (after a few restarts) for an any percentage (Any%) complete speedrun of Super Mario Bros. on an original Nintendo with original controller, with a time of 4 minutes, 55 seconds, 646 milliseconds. He beat the previous record by a solid one-tenth of a second, and in the world of ultra-refined Super Mario Bros speedrunning, that’s a lot of time. Per the man himself:

I did it. Incredible run. Unbelievable 8-4. Very proud of everything that has led up to this run. This is everything I have ever wanted to accomplish in this speedrun, and even a little bit more. It is still improvable but I am not interested in the ridiculous things required to beat this, so that’s history for someone else to write! Thanks everyone for watching!

So he acknowledges the time can still be beat, but he’s just not interested in putting in the time and effort for the “ridiculous things required to beat this.” I admire that. He’s basically saying yes I’m number one, and it’s gonna take a real loser to beat me. Admittedly, a nice way to frame your achievement.

Keep going for the video, and listening to him celebrate with it playing at half and quarter speed was a real treat.

Source: Geekologie – A New Super Mario Bros. Speedrun Record

Coooool: Guy Turns Electric Fan Into Impressive Bass Instrument

turning-fan-into-bass-instrument.jpg

This is a video of the Factory Fan Bass, a fan that was cleverly converted into a bass instrument. How exactly? Let me copy/paste that for you while I air guitar so bitchin’ I pull a muscle AND make a half dozen groupies faint:

attaching a disk with holes to the fan, it converts blinks of lights to electric signals and generates sound from a bass amplifier. Different numbers of holes can generate a musical scale, and turning on/off of the power makes it roar.

Pretty neat, right? Although I can’t help but be reminded of every time I’ve been invited to a friend’s experimental music performance and had to sit through an hour of screeching cacophony wondering the whole time if our friendship was really worth it. This — this was worlds better. Still, smart making the video only a minute long though.

Keep going for the performance.

Source: Geekologie – Coooool: Guy Turns Electric Fan Into Impressive Bass Instrument

Ben & Jerry Releases "Netflix And Chilll'd" Flavors

netflix-ben-and-jerrys-flavor.jpg

Because I’m not really sure why (cheap advertising maybe?), these are two officially branded ‘Netflix And Chilll’d’ flavors (bonus L for EXTRA chill) from Ben & Jerry’s. Available in traditional ice cream and non-dairy varieties, the new frozen desserts (or any part of a meal, or a meal themselves) feature a peanut butter flavored base with sweet and salty pretzel swirls and fudge brownies. Meh, I’m not a huge pretzel fan, but I could probably eat a pint without stopping and before any part liquified. PARENTS READ THIS TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TEEN IS UP TO:

“The viral catchphrase “Netflix and chill” began as an innocent way of saying, “I’ve had a hard day and all I want to do this evening is put on Netflix, curl up into the fetal position and consume four straight hours of visual entertainment,” The Guardian wrote in 2015, “but has become an innuendo (and a meme) for hooking up.”

Netflix and Chill — an innuendo for hooking up? My my! No wonder nobody wants to come over and hook up when I invite them at last call, I’m using the wrong nomenclature. “Well what do you normally say?” You know, something like, hey — what do you say to your thing and my thing becoming one thing? Like the One Ring, you know? Frodo and the gang. “And they say romance is dead.” Oh it was, I just necromanced it.

Thanks to Darlene I, who informed me her favorite Ben & Jerry’s flavor is Stephen Cobert’s AmeriCone Dream. Mine’s a two-way tie between Strawberry Cheesecake and The Tonight Dough, depending on how I’m feeling (but I usually just get and eat both back-to-back).

Source: Geekologie – Ben & Jerry Releases “Netflix And Chilll’d” Flavors

Man Sets New World Record For Completing Marathon With Exoskeletal Suit

exoskeletal-suit-marathon-record.jpg

Adam Gorlitsky recently set a new world record for completing a full 26.2 mile marathon using an exoskeletal suit. Adam completed the Charleston Marathon in a nonstop (no sleep breaks) 33 hours, 50 minutes, beating Simon Kindleysides’s previous record of 36 hours 46 minutes at the 2018 London Marathon. Adam had previously try to beat the record at the 2019 Los Angeles Marathon, but stopped at mile market 17.2. Adam was left paralyzed from the waist down as the result of a spinal cord injury following a car accident in 2005, and doctors said he’d never walk again. Now he’s finishing marathons with the help of a ReWalk Robotic Exoskeleton. Some words of inspiration while I complain about having to walk all the way to the break room vending machine for another six-pack of powdered mini-donuts:

Gorlitsky founded the non-profit I GOT LEGS in 2016 after becoming the first paralyzed man to walk the Cooper River Bridge Run in Charleston using a robotic exoskeleton. It took him nearly seven hours to complete the 6.2 mile race.

His organization is “dedicated to improving the lives of the disabled community.”

“My spinal cord injury doesn’t define who I am,” Gorlitsky said. “The message that I want to come out of this is that your injuries, your physical disabilities, your adversities will never define who you are.”

That is a great message to come out of this. Also: never trust a doctor. They said you’d never walk again, but now you’re walking 26.2 miles at a time! You truly are an inspiration.
And not just because I dropped out of a measly 5k (3.1-mile) race, but I did. “How far did you make it?” To the day right before.

Thanks to Thaylor H, who agrees hopefully the exoskeletal marathon record doesn’t turn into a “No fair, your exoskeleton is more efficient than mine!” fight like the regular marathon scene is with those Nike Vaporfly shoes.

Source: Geekologie – Man Sets New World Record For Completing Marathon With Exoskeletal Suit

Yeah You Did: Guy Uses Airport Map Monitor To Plug In PS4, Play Apex Legends

video-games-at-airport.jpg

This is a shot of a man from Oregon’s Portland International Airport (where else?) using a monitor that normally displays terminal map information to play Apex Legends on his PS4 at 4:30 in the morning. Honestly, I’d just assumed the Portland airport was just free rein at 4:30AM.

Airport officials approached the man and asked he unplug the game from the monitor. They received an answer they weren’t quite expecting. “He politely asked personnel if he may finish his game,” Simonds said.

The airport officials said no, so it was game over for the passenger, who complied.

I mean the bars are closed, what else is a person supposed to do at 4:30AM — read? I tried reading before a 2AM departure once and fell asleep and didn’t wake up until my flight was already at its destination. “What were you trying to read?” A pill bottle. “Of the pills you just took?” I suppose it might have been. “To see if you weren’t supposed to take them with alcohol?” Listen, hindsight’s 20/20 okay?

Thanks to E.V.I.R.A.R.E.S., who’s so evil he’d program the monitors in an airport to read all departures are delayed at least six hours, and there are no more flights to wherever you’re going.

Source: Geekologie – Yeah You Did: Guy Uses Airport Map Monitor To Plug In PS4, Play Apex Legends

Wolverine Claws Corn On The Cob Holders

wolverine-corn-on-the-cob-holders-1.jpg

When you think of X-Men’s Wolverine, what comes to mind? Exactly, corn on the cob. Enter these officially licensed Wolverine ‘Corn On The Claws’ corn on the cob holders available from Gamestop ($10 for four sets). They look like Wolverine’s adamantium claws (actually stainless steel) and hold corn, NOT PENISES. Now if you’ll excuse me *dialing* hello, Doctor Whitworth?

Keep going for an unnecessary closeup.

Source: Geekologie – Wolverine Claws Corn On The Cob Holders

Thanks, Internet: Darth Vader Voiced By George Castanza's Dad

frank-costanza-darth-vader.jpg

This is a video edit of Darth Vader imagining the character voiced by Frank Castanza from Seinfeld. It’s pretty much the very reason the internet exists. Well, that and *checks to see if girlfriend is online, she isn’t* nudie pics. *sees her sign on suddenly* LEARNING AND E-COMMERCE.

Keep going for the video.

Source: Geekologie – Thanks, Internet: Darth Vader Voiced By George Castanza’s Dad

Holy Smokes: Ultra Impressive Hogwarts Built In Minecraft Over Seven Years

These are two videos of the Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry and other Harry Potter locations (including Diagon Alley) built by Minecraft modding group Floo Network over the past seven years. They’re still working on the map, which will be free to play, and hope to have it released by the end of the month. I’m already hacking the server:

For what is essentially a Minecraft mod, the whole project looks surprisingly fleshed out. Aside from merely exploring, players will be able to fight enemies, trade in Diagon Alley, scavenge for loot and supplies, and even explore parts of London.

Players will even be able to visit the Quidditch Field and play a game or two with friends. Further, a lot of the locations in the Minecraft Harry Potter mod are interactive, like the Grand Staircase, where all the stairs are continuously moving. Additionally, there are a couple of puzzle rooms where players will have to use their wands to shoot at a target or cast a spell to move objects around in order to solve the mystery.

The details are pretty incredible. And you know what they say about the details. “The devil is in them.” Exactly, he’s always in there hiding waiting to stuff a hot coal up your keister. And then what do you do? “Walk funny for a while.” *sadly cowboy walking to elevator* I knew I should have been more of a generalist.

Keep going for the videos.

Source: Geekologie – Holy Smokes: Ultra Impressive Hogwarts Built In Minecraft Over Seven Years

So, We've Come To This: Conservative 'One Million Moms' Group Attacks Burger King For Using 'Damn' In A Commercial

impossible-whopper-commercial-controversy.jpg

Conservative activist group One Million Moms (which I suspect is really only eight misguided Karens and a handful of Lindas) has apparently taken offense to a Burger King Impossible Whopper commercial where a man trying the meatless burger for the first time mumbles a “Damn that’s good,” with a mouthful of plant protein. Man, I wish these moms would take a look at Geekologie so I can watch their faces melt off like Toht in Raiders Of The Lost Ark or exploding like Thunder in Big Trouble In Little China. Both great movies they probably think are the devil’s work. Did I mention they’re anti-gay? Shocking, I know. You can’t mom for shit, ladies!

“One Million Moms finds this highly inappropriate. When responding to the taste test, he didn’t have to curse. Or if, in fact, it was a real and unscripted interview in which the man was not an actor, then Burger King could have simply chosen to edit the profanity out of the commercial,” the group said in a press release.

“Burger King’s Impossible Whopper ad is irresponsible and tasteless. It is extremely destructive and damaging to impressionable children viewing the commercial. We all know children repeat what they hear.”

One Million Moms is a division of the American Family Association, the non-profit evangelical Christian group. Despite its name, it is not clear that the group has a million members. According to its website, more than 8,000 people have taken action on the Burger King issue, and its Facebook group has just shy of 100,000 likes.

The activist group long has targeted groups that feature LGBT people or relationships in a positive light. In 2012, the group called on JCPenney to remove Ellen DeGeneres as its spokeswoman because she is gay, but the retailer stood behind the comedian.

Last month, One Million Moms successfully campaigned to have Hallmark remove a Zola ad featuring a lesbian couple at the altar on their wedding day. Hallmark faced sharp criticism for the ad’s removal and later reversed itself, saying it made the “wrong decision.”

God, what a waste of lives. Now I know sometimes it’s hard to find any sort of positivity in a situation (and people) so painfully ridiculous, but on the up side, I do find some comfort in now knowing that, no matter what the panic attack tries to convince me right before bed at night, there’s no way I’m actually the world’s biggest loser.

Keep going for the commercial in question, blasphemy a little after 0:40.

Source: Geekologie – So, We’ve Come To This: Conservative ‘One Million Moms’ Group Attacks Burger King For Using ‘Damn’ In A Commercial

I Could Watch This All Day: Video Of A Super Toilet Flushing 40 Golf Balls, 25 Marshmallow Peeps, 600 Acorns, 5 Pounds Of Gummi Bears

In dream toilet news, this is a fantastic “greatest hits” (so close) video of a Metcraft Stainless Steel High Efficient Toilet (HET) using 1.28 gallons of water to flush a variety of stand-in turds, including 40 golf balls, 25 marshmallow Peeps, 600 acorns, a 12-inch chocolate longjohn from Lamar’s donut shop, 5 pounds of gummi bears, 5 pounds of grapes, 2.5 pounds of baby carrots, 7 tampons with applicators and wrappers, and 30 feet of toilet paper. Now that is a toilet you can trust. I remember I was watching one of those home-buying shows on HGTV and the guy said you should always bring a package of hotdogs with you when you’re viewing a potential home, that way you can see if a toilet can handle flushing the whole package at once. I’ve lived by that advice ever since. “And?” Caused a lot of water damage.

Keep going for the worthwhile video.

Source: Geekologie – I Could Watch This All Day: Video Of A Super Toilet Flushing 40 Golf Balls, 25 Marshmallow Peeps, 600 Acorns, 5 Pounds Of Gummi Bears

Man Requests Trial By Combat In Iowa To Settle Property And Custody Dispute With Ex-Wife

trail-by-combat-request.jpg

After discovering that trial by combat “has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States,” 40-year old David Ostrom of Kansas has requested an Iowa court allow him to settle his property and custody battle with 38-year old ex-wife Bridgette Ostrom with a duel after claiming she’s “already destroyed (him) legally.” He says he’s even willing to allow his ex-wife’s attorney, Matthew Hudson, to stand in as her champion and fight for her. *rubbing hands together excitedly* This all sounds very good to me.

A Kansas man has asked an Iowa court to grant his motion for trial by combat so he can meet his ex-wife and her attorney “on the field of battle where (he) will rend their souls from their corporal bodies.”

Hudson filed a resistance to the trial by combat motion by first correcting Ostrom’s spelling.

“Surely (Ostrom) meant ‘corporeal’ bodies which Merriam Webster defines as having, consisting of, or relating to, a physical material body,” the attorney wrote. “Although (Ostrom) and potential combatant do have souls to be rended, they respectfully request that the court not order this done.”

Hudson argued that because a duel could end in death, such ramifications likely outweigh those of property tax and custody issues.

[Ostrom] asked the Iowa District Court in Shelby County to give him 12 weeks “lead time” in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords, as first reported by the Carroll Times Herald.

Ostrom, who said he doesn’t have any experience with sword fighting, doesn’t anticipate the judge will let his request go forward, but he wants an answer anyway.

Ahahahaha, he has no experience sword fighting and requested 12 weeks lead time to procure the proper ninja sword for the battle. If you can’t get a decent ninja sword in four weeks you don’t know the right people. Man, this guy is really something. Something *unsheaths katana, licks seductively cutting tongue* I thalanth tou a duo.

Thanks to speakerbox and Ashley I, who agree if you’re Bridgette you better be offering Matthew an extra two grand to get out there and stab your husband.

Source: Geekologie – Man Requests Trial By Combat In Iowa To Settle Property And Custody Dispute With Ex-Wife

LOLOL: Aussies Prank Scottish Reporter Into Wearing Armor To Handle A 'Drop Bear' (Actually A Koala)

This is a video of a group of Australians at the Kangaroo Island Wildlife Park playing a prank on Scottish reporter Debi Edward while she’s there to report on the wildfires by convincing her to suit up in some protective armor to handle a dangerous drop bear. For those of you unfamiliar, drop bears are an Australian hoax involving vicious, predatory-like koalas that drop on unsuspecting victims from above. She 100% buys it too. And why wouldn’t she — everything else in Australia wants you dead. You know now that I think about it I bet drop bears really do exist, they just haven’t been discovered yet and are probably gonna be much more terrifying when we do.

Keep going for the video, and for anybody interested in donating to the park amidst the devastating tragedy you can do so HERE.

Source: Geekologie – LOLOL: Aussies Prank Scottish Reporter Into Wearing Armor To Handle A ‘Drop Bear’ (Actually A Koala)

Garbage Pail Kids Monopoly Is Coming

garbage-pail-kids-monopoly.jpg

To celebrate the 35th year of those disgusting little monsters, there’s going to be a Garbage Pail Kids Monopoly game coming out this year, complete with six new game tokens. I wonder who they’re gonna be! Still, I feel like if they’re gonna make a Garbage Pail Kids Monopoly they should also make a Clue. It was Itchy Richie…in the bathroom stall…with zits! I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here. It’s weird, when I was a kid Garbage Pail Kids didn’t gross me out at all, now I look at them and wonder what was wrong with me. “Probably the same thing that’s wrong with you now.” Listen — my insurance sucks and penis reduction surgery is expensive.

Thanks to Closet Nerd, who agrees nostalgia is the best talgia.

Source: Geekologie – Garbage Pail Kids Monopoly Is Coming

Nailed It: Woman Running Late For Work Sends Boss Unconvincing Picture Of Nail In Tire

late-for-work-nail-in-tire.jpg

This is the picture a woman running late for work allegedly sent her employer as proof she got a nail in her tire. All the other news outlets I saw were reporting what a poor job she did Photoshopping the nail in the tire, but the tire isn’t even real either, the whole thing is a digital painting of a nail in a tire, and she’s some real talent. I mean if she’d actually created it, which she didn’t, so she’s a terrible ‘nail in tire’ photo Googler and liar. I’d fire her, rehire her, and fire her again.

Thanks to Eric P, who agrees next time search car fire and go with that.

Source: Geekologie – Nailed It: Woman Running Late For Work Sends Boss Unconvincing Picture Of Nail In Tire

An Exoskeleton Suit That Makes Lifting 200 Pounds Feel Like Only Ten

This is a video demonstration of the Sarcos Guardian XO Powered Exeskeleton Suit. The 150-pound full-body suit has 24-degrees of freedom and mimics its wearers exact movements but with MORE POWER, and lifting 200 pounds (its current max) only feels like lifting ten (and could be adjusted so you feel like what you’re lifting is weightless but then people in exoskeletal suits would just be tossing heavy shit around all willy-nilly and wreaking havoc). The suit, which will be available to rent for $100,000 a year *spit-takes smoothie* and gets about two hours of use (at walking speeds up to 3MPH) with a full charge, was designed so that a single person could perform heavy lifting that would normally require “four to ten people.” Man, if it takes ten people to lift 200 pounds, those people *flexing* need to hit the gym for some gains. Me? I hit the gym every day because I get points every time I go. “Yeah but you just check in, buy a smoothie from the juice bar and leave.” So what? “And what are points good for anyways?” No clue, hopefully free smoothies.

Keep going for the video while I speculate why you wouldn’t just hire weightlifters to do your heavy lifting.

Source: Geekologie – An Exoskeleton Suit That Makes Lifting 200 Pounds Feel Like Only Ten

Hexapod Robotic Plant Holder That Moves To And From The Sun As Needed, Dances At You To Water

This is a video about the HEXA Plant developed by the inventor of the Vincross HEXA robot, Sun Tianqi. Using a slightly modified version of the HEXA robotic platform, the HEXA Plant can move itself from shade to sun as needed (and slowly spin to sun the entirety of its plant), and will dance to indicate its plant needs water. Some more info while I wonder what happened to just letting all your houseplants die slow, painful deaths like a normal person with flesh colored thumbs:

This amazing device will keep you replants alive by finding the sun, as well as the shade when they need to cool down. The HEXA Plant will also spin so every leaf of the plant can soak in the rays.

It will also throw a temper tantrum by stomping around when your plants need watering.

Your gardening assistant can also interact with you, bad if you touch its base, it can spin around and even do a happy dance in the sunny spots of your home.

The robot has a variety of “eyes,” including an infrared sensor, a distance sensor, and a 720p camera with night vision. Moreover, it has a built-in WiFi as well as various ports (USB) to expand its many talents.

That’s cool, but what about the rest of your houseplants that don’t have robotic chariots to march them around all day — what about them? Also this sound pretty costly just to grow some weed. “Who said anything about growing weed?” Hoho — not me, narc, I’m done talking.

Keep going for a video demo.

Source: Geekologie – Hexapod Robotic Plant Holder That Moves To And From The Sun As Needed, Dances At You To Water