A 64-year old French man recently accidentally ejected himself from a jet at 2,500-feet during a jet fighter flight experience paid for by his coworkers as a retirement gift, despite the man having never expressed any interest in a jet fighter flight experience. Honestly, I think somebody in the office didn’t like him that much. Some details about the incident:

Once the man arrived at the Saint-Dizier air base in northeastern France in March 2019 and realized what his co-workers had arranged, he began to feel extremely stressed, according to a fairly remarkable aviation accident report by a French government agency.

And thanks to a watch he was wearing which could measure his heart rate, investigators noticed that “his heart was in full tachycardia” before the flight, with a recorded heart rate ranging from 136 to 142 beats per minute.

But the man went through with the ride, joining a three-plane training exercise as a passenger. The Rafale B is used by the French air force, and has a maximum speed of nearly 1,400 kilometers per hour (870 miles per hour).

When the jet was 2,500 feet above ground and the pilot began to climb, the passenger panicked and reached for something to hold onto.

Unfortunately, that something was the ejector seat button — and the 64-year-old flew from the fighter jet.

Fortunately, the man avoided seriously injury after parachuting to earth in a field near the German border.

Man, you’ve gotta know when to say no. If you aren’t feeling the fighter jet experience, you say you aren’t feeling the fighter jet experience — you don’t just go along with it while you’re having a heart attack. There’s no shame in that. I mean you’re 64-years old, you probably shouldn’t be taking the highway to the danger zone anyways, just a mobility scooter to the pharmacy to pick up your back and blood pressure pills.

Thanks to Roy J, who agrees this guy would never make it at Top Gun.

Source: Geekologie – To Infinity And Beyond!: Man Accidentally Ejects From Jet Fighter During Paid Flight Experience

In are you sure that isn’t Cousin Itt news, fans have noticed that Disney edited the 1984 Tom Hanks/Darryl Hannah mermaid classic Splash to cover more of Darryl’s butt in one scene using additional CGI hair. Obviously, this is an outrage. An interesting tidbit about Splash:

The film is notable for being the first film released by Touchstone Pictures, a film label created by Walt Disney Studios that same year in an effort to release films targeted at adult audiences, with mature content not appropriate for the studio’s flagship Walt Disney Pictures banner. Splash had received a PG-rating for some profanity and brief nudity.

Honestly, I thought any nakedness was automatic grounds for a PG-13 rating back in the day, but do I know? I’m not a film rater, I’m just a guy who turns his cable to scrambled adult channels and then repeatedly slaps the box trying to make out privates. Ooh — whats that?! “A penis.” Sweet, now we just have to follow him.

Keep going for the CG’d version, as well as the already unoffensive original for reference.

Source: Geekologie – LOL: Disney CG’s Longer Hair On Darryl Hannah To Hide Butt In Disney+ Release Of Splash

This is a website created by NASA where you can enter your birthday and it will show you a photo of what the Hubble Space Telescope was taking pictures of that day. Is it secretly just a way for NASA to learn your birthday so they can hack your bank account and steal all the money they haven’t been getting from the government like every single one of those security question hacking ‘Find your p0rnstar name by using your first pet’s name and street you grew up on’ things always circulating Facebook? Lady Athens Boulevard thinks so!

Thanks to my dad, who agrees it’s comforting to know space is always out there.

Source: Geekologie – What Was The Hubble Space Telescope Taking Pictures Of On Your Birthday?

Researchers at Stanford University have built a ~$300 – $600 smart-toilet module that can identify users via their analprint (read: unique butthole) and use its cameras and sensors to gather health information from their waste and help identify potential disease. Some more info while I brag on Facebook my butt is one-in-a-million:

The idea for an analprint was sparked by Salvador Dalí, who discovered that “the anus has 35 or 37 creases, which are as unique as fingerprints,” Park wrote in a blog post. The prototype device — which is modular and can be attached to most standard toilets — uses a Raspberry Pi paired with a camera to capture each person’s unique analprint as they sit down to use the toilet, ensuring the data it captures is associated with the correct person.

The real action happens after the person sits down, according to Park. Inside the toilet, there are cameras to capture images of the person and their waste, motion sensors to detect urine streams, and medical sensors to analyze what’s inside the excrement. To further distinguish an individual, the smart toilet also includes a fingerprint scanner on the lever.

Haha, it’s got a fingerprint scanner on the flush handle too just to make sure it identified the correct user. Like, I thought that was your butt, but I just wanted to make sure. Why even bother? Why not just use voice recognition and state your name? It’s not like I’d lie and identify myself as some other family member unless I just had Taco Bell and feel guilty for the toilet and don’t want it to intentionally hide potential diseases from me for what I’m about to do to it.

Thanks to Thaylor H, who agrees its only a matter of time until top-secret government bases require a good old fashioned mooning in order to gain access.

Source: Geekologie – Toilet Module That Identifies Users Via Analprint, Collects Health Data To Help Identify Disease

This is a video demonstration of Matt Reed’s Zoombot, a crappy/humorous automated artificial intelligence system he created that sits in on Zoom teleconference meetings so he doesn’t have to. Some more info about the system while I hang a curtain over the toilet tank to spruce up my own home office for videoconferencing:

in order to reclaim some of my precious time I built a Digital Twin of myself that uses the latest in advanced AI Speech Recognition and Text-to-Speech to handle my Zoom meetings for me.

As it turns out, cloning oneself is actually much easier than Westworld would lead you to believe. I took a few screenshots of myself after opening Quicktime and doing File -> New Movie Recording. Next I just built a very-well-coded webapp that uses an open source library called Artyom.js to listen and respond. I programmed it to listen for phrases like…

“How are you?” replies “I’m doing great thank you for asking”
“Did you get that?” replies “I’m having trouble hearing you”
“Bye” replies “Talk to everybody later. Be safe”
…while cycling through those still shots of myself in a very choppy fashion; obviously Zoombot has a bad connection. I then set up a Virtual Webcam with the webapp as the source using some software called ManyCam. That creates a system wide video input that you can set your Zoom webcam to.

Now just crank up those speakers, fire up Zoombot, and freely go forth and enjoy all those other things you’d rather be doing than sitting on video conferences all day.

Now that’s a great idea. And I’m not just saying that because I’ve never been part of a videoconference call that could even remotely be considered productive, but I haven’t. Just like a phone sex operator who won’t stop laughing at your fantasy, they’re hard to take serious, and no matter how many times you yell REPRESENTATIVE, you’ll never gonna get to speak with a higher-up and be issued a refund.

Keep going for the video.

Source: Geekologie – Smart: Guy Creates An AI Clone Of Himself To Sit In On Zoom Meetings So He Doesn’t Have To

In the only quarantine home workout video you need to watch news, this is a short clip of a guy showing off with some pull-up claps during home quarantine when his door frame pull-up bar decides it wants no part in this dog and pony show and tries to break his back. It takes him a solid 30 seconds to get up off the floor. Also, I don’t like how he censored himself cursing — I would have left that in but that’s just me and I’m a director with a vision. You know I had that exact same pull-up bar at my old apartment and it totally scuffed up and dented the door frame and wall above the door. So you know what I did? “Set the building on fire so you could still get your full security deposit back.” I had no choice!

Keep going for the video.

Source: Geekologie – LOLOL: Guy’s Door Frame Pull-Up Bar Fails Him Hard While Showing Off

These are several photos and a video of Chico the Linneaus’s two-toed sloth hanging out with dolphins Liko and Schooner and taking a VIP tour of the Texas Aquarium while the facility is closed to human visitors. From the look of those dolphins I’m guessing Liko and Schooner had never seen a sloth before, and were excited about it. And from the look of Chico falling asleep I’m guessing the feeling wasn’t mutual. You know, sloths are kinda like the me of the animal world. “Except they only poop once a week.” Okay that is not like me at all. “And lose as much as a third of their body weight when they do.” Same, the next time I go today I’ll actually weigh negative.

Keep going for several more shots of the dolphin encounter, and the VIP tour video while I wish I was a sloth and not just the deadly sin variety.

Source: Geekologie – Awww: Sloth Goes On Tour Of Aquarium While It’s Closed, Hangs With Dolphins

This is an example of the nuclear explosion lamps made and sold by Poland based Etsy shop evilincEU. They consist of a wooden base and wire armature covered with airbrushed cotton and cost about $130 (plus $22 shipping). They measure approximately a foot tall and a foot in diameter, with a base that’s slightly larger. Of course if you’e any good at arts and crafts you could probably follow an Instructable and make one yourse– oh, no, your mom is shaking her head no like she doesn’t believe in your skills. Well, looks like you’ll have to start saving your allowance.

Keep going for several more shots in different lighting conditions, and a video.

Source: Geekologie – The End Times: Homemade Nuclear Explosion Lamps

This is the alien facehugger face mask crafted by horror filmmaker Jeff Barnaby. In his own words: “The functionality of the mask is 3 fold, it covers/protects your mouth, guarantees ppl will stay away from you and reminds everyone that if Ash the evil robot didn’t break quarantine THE REST OF THE SHIP WOULD HAVE BE FINE!” Wonderful, now I want a facehugger face mask of my own. Don’t get me wrong, my current mask is great, it’s just– “A bandana soaked in gasoline.” Like I said, it’s great.

Thanks to DT, who agrees these would sell like hotcakes.

Source: Geekologie – Smart: An Alien Facehugger Face Mask

Police in Crowley, Louisiana unknowingly drove around blaring an old military siren to signal the 9PM curfew for residents, unbeknownst to them it’s the same siren used to signal the beginning of the the purge in The Purge franchise. Some more details while I try to guess what other movies they haven’t seen:

Crowley Police Chief Jimmy Broussard said he didn’t want to use a regular police siren to alert residents to the curfew, and another officer pointed him to an old military siren, which happened to be the same one used in “The Purge.”

Parish residents immediately filed complaints about the warning sound, according to KATC.

Broussard, who said he didn’t know about the connection to the movies, apologized and said his officers won’t be using that siren moving forward.

Man, that’s hilarious. But also scary. And also *sheathing ninja sword* what am I supposed to do with these bodies? Like I can’t be held responsible, right? I mean technically this is the police’s fault.

Keep going for a video somebody recorded of the siren from their porch.

Source: Geekologie – Louisiana Town Unknowingly Used The Purge Siren To Signal Curfew