Neighbor relations can be fraught—a whopping three-fourths of Americans dislike at least one neighbor, although just about the same number of people report being friends with a neighbor as well. It’s safe to say that most people want to be good neighbors, and are generally willing to observe little courtesies like keeping the noise down or accommodating the occasional contractor truck parked on the street.
Sometimes you want to go a little above and beyond for a neighbor and do a surprise good deed. The idea of helping someone out with no expectation of reward can make you feel great, and seems like a surefire way to build a solid neighbor relationship and bank some good karma. Except being helpful can sometimes go wrong, especially if you’re making some assumptions about your neighbor and their property. Here are the ways your good neighbor intentions can take a bad turn.
Mow their lawn
Lawn care is a lot of work, and a neglected yard can often be a sign of private struggle—too little time, energy, or money. If you’re out there mowing your own lawn and you notice your neighbor’s has become a little ragged, it might seem like a no-brainer to just donate some of your time and mow their lawn as a favor.
Except there are actually many reasons why someone might not mow their lawn. They might be planning to let the grass grow a little longer this year. They might have treated it with weed-killer, which sometimes works best if you don’t mow for a few days or weeks after the application. The “weeds” you pull up might actually be perennials planted on purpose. Or they might have a different species of grass and your mowing job cuts it too low, killing everything in sight. The point is, mowing your neighbor’s lawn without their express permission could actually ruin it for them.
Rake their leaves
If your neighbor has some trees on their property and the leaf situation gets out of control in the fall, you might be tempted to do something about it. Just like mowing a lawn, raking up your neighbor’s leaves can backfire in a few ways, because not everyone thinks raking leaves is necessary or even a best practice. Some people like to mulch leaves with their mower, turning them into a natural fertilizer instead of landfill, or just leave them in place to decompose naturally (or use them as compost for a garden). And some people just like the look of a leaf-covered yard, giving the whole property a cozy autumnal vibe. While you’re free to take whatever steps necessary to clean up leaves that drift over to your property, never assume your neighbor is just being lazy if they don’t rake.
Offer information
Being a good neighbor means watching out for each other, but you can take that good instinct too far. If someone comes to your neighbor’s house when they’re not there—whether they claim to be contractors, utility workers, city inspectors, or some other legit-sounding role—you might want to help out with a little information. Telling strangers when your neighbors will be back, or offering details about their house in an effort to help could be a huge mistake if the people you’re talking to aren’t who they claim to be, or if the inspector or other city official isn’t happy about what they hear. The last thing you want on your conscience is a robbery or notice from the city that costs your neighbor money just because you wanted to be helpful—always check with them before you tell anyone anything about their home or situation.
Become their assistant
We usually think of doing a good turn for someone as a one-off, a single instance. But sometimes that favor turns into a regular thing, with your neighbor assuming that if you didn’t mind doing it once, you won’t mind doing it every week—or every day. Offering to drive your elderly neighbor to do their shopping is a nice thing to do once in a while, but if they assume you’re always available to help them out you’ll soon come to resent it, and the relationship will sour. For example, a friend of mine agreed to have some of their neighbors’ packages delivered to her house—but the neighbor then started having all of their packages delivered there because they were never home to accept them. My friend eventually had to simply tell the neighbor she couldn’t do it anymore, and the relationship cooled.
When doing nice things for your neighbors, it’s important to set boundaries so those favors don’t turn into commitments. This can be a challenge, but it helps to make the one-off nature of the favor clear (in a friendly way) right from the beginning. And if the neighbor starts to make a regular practice of asking you for the same service, it might be time to come up with non-confrontational reasons why you can’t do it.
Watering plants
Being asked by a neighbor to water their plants while they’re gone is a common favor, and it usually comes with specific instructions. If your neighbors take off for a vacation or business trip and leave their outdoor plants unattended, you might think watering them is an easy way to be neighborly.
But this can backfire if your neighbor has already asked someone to water the plants, and you just don’t notice—leading to overwatering and some very dead plants. Or, if you don’t know much about plants, you can easily water plants that don’t need it or otherwise mess up their care, doing damage when you intended to do good. And if your neighbor isn’t expecting someone wandering around their property, your watering adventure could trigger home security systems and doorbell cameras, alarming your neighbors and causing unnecessary anxiety. Always best to check if your water can is needed before you take it upon yourself.
Take in packages
In an age of rampant porch piracy, grabbing a package left outside your neighbor’s house might seem like a simple favor. Instead of leaving it exposed where thieves can easily grab it, you keep it safe in your house and text your neighbor that you have it, or just bring it by later when they’re home.
But this simple kindness can go wrong if your neighbor doesn’t want you to keep that package safe and didn’t ask you to do so. If they have already asked someone to grab the package for them, you’ll just sow confusion. If they miss your note or you forget to send one, they might assume the package is lost or stolen and file a complaint—or, worse, see you on their doorbell camera taking the package and jump to unfortunate conclusions. And without knowing what’s in the package, you might unknowingly do some harm by breaking or spoiling the contents. If you’re worried about a delivery sitting out in plain view, your best practice is to check with your neighbor first, and do nothing unless they ask you to.
Clean their house
If you have a key to your neighbor’s house and notice their housekeeping taking a nosedive, you might think it would be a real blessing if you popped in and gave the place a quick glow-up, as this woman’s neighbor did. After all, if your neighbor is struggling with a crisis and letting things slide, you could take one thing off their plate and make their life a little easier.
But your neighbor may not see it that way. They might see it as an invasion, and be uncomfortable that you peered into their most private spaces and felt the need to clean them up. And you might not be familiar enough with their home and the materials used in its design, leading to inadvertent damage if you use the wrong cleaning solutions or tools. Cleaning your neighbor’s house might seem like a big-swing category of good deed, but odds are good it won’t be appreciated the way you think.
