Hey so my next door neighbor who will remain anonymous but from now on will be known as Dumbass Matt to his face cut my internet trying to take down his old DirectTV satellite dish. He swears whatever turd service we have will be out this afternoon to repair the damage which better be true because I ain’t going back to jail for petty murder. I’ll see you tomorrow or maybe this afternoon but probably tomorrow because *opens beer can, chugs hard* yeah. Come over and let’s play bocce.

Source: Geekologie – Internet Out