Because I’m just going to assume it was opposite day when my doctor told me I need to lose weight, Burger King has just introduced two new milkshakes: Fruit Loop and Lucky Charms. A brief description of each while I pick all the marshmallows out my box of Lucky Charms and prepare for an enema. “Wait, what?” Nothing — nothing.

Introducing the FROOT LOOPS® Shake. Velvety Vanilla-flavored Soft Serve. FROOT LOOPS® Cereal pieces and sweet sauce are hand spun to perfection to create our twist on one of America’s classic breakfast cereals.

Velvety vanilla-flavored soft serve, LUCKY CHARMS® oat cereal with marshmallows, and sweet sauce are hand spun to perfection; to create our twist on one of America’s classic breakfast cereals.

So what exactly is this sweet sauce they’re talking about? “I’ve got some sweet sauce for you right here, GW.” I’m sure you do. And why does the Lucky Charms shake have pieces of the actual oat cereal in it? Nobody wants that. The Froot Loops shake is 720 calories, and the Lucky Charms shake 740, so they’re best left for your cheat day from the gym. Or for just admitting you’ve given up. I prefer the lying to myself thing though.

Thanks to Rani, who agrees the shake machine is just going to be broken every time you try to order one anyways, so why bother.

Source: Geekologie – Burger King Releases Froot Loop And Lucky Charm Shakes