The humble garage door opener has gained a lot of smarts over the years. New models come complete with battery backups and wireless connectivity, even niceties like laser proximity detectors. But, if you live in a house of an older provenance, the machine that hauls your garage door up and down is probably a simpler sort.

The openers in my garage pre-date the Reagan administration. They’re Genie models made of stamped metal and painted a period-appropriate shade of avocado green. They are about as far from smart as a device can get.