This is a video of an all-electric, 430 horsepower, 563 all-wheel lb-ft of torque, 1900 pound Aspark Owl hypercar hitting 0 – 60 MPH in 1.921 seconds (previously: the second generation Tesla Roadster doing the same thing). For reference, I don’t even think my car can go 60MPH without exploding. Or at least not without alerting my parents I’m driving 25MPH over the speed limit and past my curfew.
Aspark has thrown down the gauntlet to the world of supercars, setting a 0-60 time of just 1.921 seconds. Admittedly, the car was fitted with a set of Hoosier racing tires (they appear to be quite similar to the Continental racing tires currently used in the IMSA WeatherTech Sports Car Championship), and a rear-wheel-only burnout was conducted before the test to warm up the tires, but a 1.921 second 0-60 is a 1.921 second 0-60. While this was an incredible feat, Aspark claim they will continue to tweak the formula until this sub-two-second 0-60 time can be accomplished on street-legal tires.
Man, that was fast. Also, I like how they’re testing the car in some sort of warehouse parking lot with the car aimed straight for a grassy hill. That is CONFIDENCE. Me? I have no confidence and I hate looking at myself in the mirror. If you’re interested in an Owl they’re going to be producing 50 of them soon for around $4.4-million apiece, or more than forty times what I’m asking for my entire life and soul on eBay ($100,000).
Keep going for the test run (skip to 1:05 for the action) and a video of the rear-tire burnout they did prior.
Source: Geekologie – Video Of All-Electric Aspark Owl Hypercar Hit 0 – 60MPH In 1.92 Seconds
These are the 1,000 and 2,000 piece ‘Pure Hell’ jigsaw puzzles manufactured by Beverly of Japan (available for ~$20 – $34 on Amazon). The puzzles, which are made up entirely of micro-sized pieces for extra difficulty, are available in pure white or black and measure a scant 26 x 38cm (~10 x 15-inches) for the 1,000 piecer and 40 x 50cm (~16 x 20-inches) for the 2,000. It says they’re recommended for ages three and up although I can’t imagine a three year old doing anything but eating the pieces. Same goes for my dog. Translated item description:
Please do beginners Never buy. The world’s smallest 2000 piece puzzle. You must have great spirit!
– Please do beginners Never buy.
So they’re for ages three and up but not for beginnners, got it. You know I remember when I was in my early teens I was super into jigsaw puzzles and bought one of the “world’s most difficult” at the time and it was a double-sided circle puzzle with the same solid blue on both sides. It was DIFFICULT. I wonder whatever happened to that puzzle. “You set it on fire.” I burnt that impossible bastard to a crisp!
Keep going for one more shot.
Source: Geekologie – The World’s Smallest Solid Black Or White ‘Pure Hell’ Jigsaw Puzzles
This is a video of Twitter user Pillsbury and a friend trying to pul the classic trench coated tall man trick so both can watch Black Panther for the price of a single ticket. It does not work out for them. In their own words while I scrutinize the vide trying to figure out what gave them away:
We tried getting the two for one special at black panther. The manager was not having it.
A valiant effort, I’m not sure I would have caught on. Of course I’m nowhere near the most vigilant movie theater employee AMC has ever hired. “You got fired for trying to sleep in the popcorn machine.” It was so warm and buttery in there.
Keep going for two different videos.
Source: Geekologie – Classic: Two Kids Dressed As Trench Coat Tall Man Try To Buy Single Ticket To Black Panther
This is a video reimagining Overwatch as a 2-D Street Fighter style fighting game (including player select and stage select menus and a destroy a motorcycle bonus stage). I thought it was very well executed. People really love that Overwatch, huh? And what’s that other one — Fortnite? I’ve got a lot of friends playing that one. Well, they’re not so much friends as strangers I watch on Twitch. I usually try to find a shirtless dude so I can pretend we’re just two shirtless best bros hanging out eating junk food and playing video games together. I cry in the shower a lot.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Overwatch Impressively Reimagined As A 2-D Fighting Game
I know I said earlier that was it for Falcon Heavy coverage, but, if there’s one thing you should already know about me, it’s that I’m a liar. This is some beautiful, slow-motion, high definition footage of the Falcon Heavy’s liftoff, shot by Jay DeShetler with a Canon 60D 1080P/60Fps – 400mm lens w/ BlackMagic microphone from Kennedy Space Center Launch Pad 39A. Glorious isn’t it? It looks like Jay was more interested in capturing the exhaust plume of the rocket more than the rocket itself, and I don’t blame him — I would have loved to have been in that fire. And the audio! I feel like my ears just have sex with that rocket. “They definitely did.” So… “You’re not a virgin anymore!” I thought it would feel different. “Did you though?” Not really, no. So do we smoke cigars now or what?
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Beautiful Slow-Mo High-Definition Footage Of The Falcon Heavy Liftoff
This is a synthesized video of former President Obama convincingly lip-syncing existing audio thanks to the magic of modern technology. In one of the creator’s own words while I never believe anybody I ever see on the internet or television again:
Given audio of President Barack Obama, we synthesize a high quality video of him speaking with accurate lip sync, composited into a target video clip. Trained on many hours of his weekly address footage, a recurrent neural network learns the mapping from raw audio features to mouth shapes. Given the mouth shape at each time instant, we synthesize high quality mouth texture, and composite it with proper 3D pose matching to change what he appears to be saying in a target video to match the input audio track
We sure have come a long way, haven’t we? What’s even real anymore? How do we know we’re not just holographic projections anyways? You ever think of that? Maybe we really are just holographic Pokemon cards after all. “We’re not all holographic Pokemon cards.” Open your eyes, sheeple! “Shuppets.” What? “A Shuppet is an actual puppet Pokemon, number 353.” Get out of here, nerd!
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – What’s Even Real Anymore?: Synthesized Obama Lip-Sync From Existing Audio
This is a video of Youtuber The King Of Random experimenting with firecrackers and gasoline. Ideally he’s hoping to get firecrackers to explode in a pot of gasoline and eject fireballs out the top. Things don’t go according to plan and most of his attempts end with the firecrackers drowning in the gasoline and never exploding. I wish I wasn’t so lazy and unmotivated and I could be making all this Youtube money. But I am lazy and unmotivated so I’ll just left complaining online how I could have done a much better job (which I absolutely could have). I’m like an amateur pyrotechnics expert. I’m so well-renowned the city contacted me right before their big fireworks show last Fourth Of July. “What did they say?” Sir, you aren’t supposed to be here, please back away from the fireworks.
Keep going for the video, but definitely skip around (first decent result isn’t even until 4:45).
Source: Geekologie – Ten Minutes Of A Guy Experimenting With Firecrackers And Gasoline
This is a clip from Jimmy Kimmel Live of Westminster Dog Show handlers with their dogs removed from the video, making it the Westminster People Show. Or maybe it’s really always been the Westminster People Show and we didn’t realize it. They all look so funny! Remember when you were a kid and pretended to walk an invisible dog? I still do that. Plus it’s a service dog so it’s allowed to come everywhere with me. Also, you have to promise not to tell anybody, but it’s not actually a dog, it’s a wolf. “Oh you’re bad, GW!” I know I am!
Keep going for the clip, but skip to 1:30 for just ten seconds of the good stuff like most Youtube videos.
Source: Geekologie – Video Of Westminster Dog Show Handlers With Their Dogs Edited Out
This is the Adjustable Table Desktop Sleeping Pillow created by SMELOV and available for $10 on Amazon (available in both blue and yellow). It’s a little footed memory foam pillow specifically designed for using to sleep at your desk. Although I had no idea a regular pillow wasn’t good enough. I don’t even need a pillow, I can just sleep on my arm or the bare desk. Hell, I can sleep with my chin in my hands and my elbows on my knees sitting on the toilet in a bathroom stall. Speaking of — I’d say at any given time during a regular workday there are at least two men asleep in the bathroom. And some are SNORERS. How unprofessional is that? At least use one of those nasal strips so you can pretend you’re constipated (I play a loop of groans I recorded and uploaded to Youtube for extra job security).
Keep going for one more shot of just the pillow.
Source: Geekologie – A Little Footed Pillow For Napping At Your Desk
This is a short video captured by Callie Schenke of Bolivar, Missouri of her neighbor’s corgi riding her one-eyed pony, Cricket. In her own words while I call home and tell my dog she’s gotta see this:
So we pull back in our driveway tonight and this is what we see. This is not our dog! But apparently him and Cricket the one eyed wonder pony are best friends.
Man, I don’t even have a battle mount and this Corgi has one. And it only has one eye — that’s extra fierce. Fit that dog with some armor and a lance and I’m fairly confident he could win the heart of a fair damsel in a jousting competition. Or dismount and try to eat all the horse turds, it could go either way.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Interesting: Woman Discovers Neighbor’s Corgi Comes Over At Night To Ride Her One-Eyed Pony
This is a video of a Tasmanian tiger snake (which appears significantly more snake than tiger to me) demonstrating its ability to balance and move atop a single wire of a livestock fence. Pretty crazy, right? I thought so. Mother Nature: she’s always trying to find new and creative ways to freak people out. Me? I’m always trying to find new and creative ways to let the people who care about me down further than they already are. Also, people really need to stop getting the wildlife high, it isn’t good for them.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Video Of A Snake Traversing A Single Wire Of A Fence
These are the Back to the Future II Nike Air Mags style slippers hand-crafted by Etsy seller FifthAvenue5. They were available for $59 a pair but it says they’re currently sold out so I’m not sure if they’re gone for good or you need to contact them with a custom order. That’s what I’m going to try. Sure I’ll ruin them with the first mud puddle I jump in, but that’s life. “Or you could avoid mud puddles.” But if I avoid mud puddles, would I really be living? “Are you really living now?” The last time I felt alive I couldn’t even drive legally. “So like 15?” No like 28 but my license was suspended.
Keep going for a handful more shots including one from the movie just for reference.
Source: Geekologie – Back To The Future II Nike Air Mags Style Slippers
This is a video from Dongguan, China highlighting a woman who followed her purse through an airport x-ray machine “to ensure it wasn’t stolen.” How she was even able to get into the machine without someone stopping her is beyond me. And I should know, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to get into the x-ray machine at an airport. I’ve even tried pleading with the TSA agents. Please! My doctor charges a fortune for these things — I just need you to email him a few screenshots.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Woman Rides Through Airport Security X-Ray Machine To Make Sure Purse Isn’t Stolen
These are several shots of the just-announced 1,414 piece Kessel Run Millennium Falcon LEGO set being released sometime this April in time for the May 25th premier of Solo: A Star Wars Story. As you can see, it looks like the Millennium Falcon we’re all familiar with but with some blue accents. No word on the price yet, but I guesstimate around $160 – $180. Will I be buying one myself? Probably not. Will I be stealing my nephew’s piece-by-piece every time I visit? Only time will tell but yes, probably. World’s greatest uncle award aside, why does it look like you can see minifig Lando Calrissian’s penis through his pants and he knows it?
Keep going for one more shot and the minifigs.
Source: Geekologie – LEGO Unveils 1,414 Piece Kessel Run Millennium Falcon Set For Solo: A Star Wars Story
This is Stringscapes, Vol Two from musician Alan Gogoll (previously: Vol One), which features the view of the strings oscillating from inside a guitar as Alan performs with some beautiful blurry landscapes in the background. It made me wish I was on vacation. Honestly, it made me wish a lot of things. If only my desk stapler were a magic lamp — life would be so much better. At least 10%, right. I mean it would have to be. “Stop rubbing it like that.” Not everything has to be sexual, you know. Besides, it’s my stapler and I can rub it however I want. *sensually slips my hand under the handle AND POUNDS A STAPLE INTO THE SKIN RIGHT BETWEEN MY THUMB AND INDEX FINGER* Haha, I bet you weren’t expecting that! “Jesus!” Now I wish I hadn’t done that. “And I wish I hadn’t seen it.” And just like that we’re down to our last wish.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – The View From Inside A Guitar With Oscillating Strings And Beautiful Landscape Backgrounds, Part Two
Government conservationists built a concrete flock of gannet birds on Mana Island, New Zealand in 2013 with the hopes they’d attract real-life gannets back to the island and repopulate it. Sadly, only a single gannet (affectionately named Nigel) returned, and fell for one of the concrete birds, attempting to woo her for five years until he passed away in the nest he built beside her on February 1st, 2018. My God, that’s even sadder than the saddest Pixar movie scene. Per Department of Conservation ranger Chris Bell:
Nigel was very faithful to the colony…I think it must have been quite a frustrating existence. Whether or not he was lonely, he certainly never got anything back, and that must have been very strange experience, when he spent years courting. I think we all have a lot of empathy for him, because he had this fairly hopeless situation.
We’ve all been there, haven’t we — in a hopeless situation, giving it all you’ve got and getting absolutely nothing in return? “You’re talking about spending your life savings on lotto scratchers.” Of course I am. Rest in peace, Nigel.
Keep going for a better shot of Nigel and two videos of him wooing his would-be mate while I contemplate whether a concrete lover is right for me.
Source: Geekologie – Life: Bird Dies In The Nest He Built For His Concrete Lover After Trying To Woo Her For Five Years
These are the $155 Bite Me high heel peep-toe boots available from Irregular Choice. They look like sharks are trying to eat your legs. Ha, good luck getting those jaws past these massive calves! “You have chicken legs.” I have flamingo legs.
There is nothing fishy about these jaw-some shark boots, so dive right in and grab yourself a pair of these killer peep toe boots. Featuring a shark upper complete with fins, a mouth opening with teeth and red piping, a red jeweled eye, glittery platform and chunky glittery heel.
Well they certainly make a statement, don’t they? Granted I’m not entirely sure what that statement is, but I like it regardless. Kind of like you. I have no clue what statement you’re trying to make either, but I still like you nonetheless. “I’m wearing a ‘I HATE GW’ shirt.” I’m choosing to ignore that.
Keep going for a couple more shots while I yell at Aquaman for not saving Steve Irwin.
Source: Geekologie – Finally, Some Decent Shark-Eating-Your Legs High Heel Boots
This is some security cam footage released by police in Shanghai, China of two would-be burglars trying to shatter a shop window with bricks when one accidentally shatters the other’s consciousness instead. Although, to his credit, the other guy did run right in front of his throw. You’re supposed to stand behind the thrower for safety, everybody knows that. This is just some all-around sloppy burglary. At least his friend tries to drag him away no-man-left-behind style instead of leaving him for the cops — at least there’s that. Out of a possible Ocean’s Eleven I give them them a Mudpuddle Two, but only if ol’ brickhead actually survived to burgle another day.
Keep going for the whole video.
Source: Geekologie – Would-Be Burglar Knocks Accomplice Out Cold With A Brick
This is the just-released English trailer for ‘Batman Ninja’, an upcoming anime movie (digital release April 24th, Blu-Ray May 8th) in which Batman and a handful of other Gotham regulars get time-transported back to feudal Japan (previously: a Japanese trailer). A brief synopsis while I yell “It’s Batman!” and throw a handful of Batarangs over my cubicle wall:
Batman Ninja takes a journey across the ages as Gorilla Grodd’s time displacement machine transports many of Batman’s worst enemies to feudal Japan – along with the Dark Knight and a few of his allies. The villains take over the forms of the feudal lords that rule the divided land, with the Joker taking the lead among the warring factions. As his traditional high-tech weaponry is exhausted almost immediately, Batman must rely on his intellect and his allies – including Catwoman and the extended Bat-family – to restore order to the land, and return to present-day Gotham City.
Admittedly, it still looks pretty promising. I don’t want to get my hopes up as high as I mistakenly did on my last birthday, but– “What happened on your last birthday?” I don’t want to talk about it. “Come on, what happened?” Well I was stuck serving a weekend in jail but I still thought my cellmates would plan something special. “And they didn’t?” No, they did. “What was it?” A sneak attack.
Keep going for the trailer while I use duct tape to practice sleeping with one eye open.
Source: Geekologie – ‘Batman Ninja’ Anime Film Gets An English Trailer
This is a shot of the ‘Respiro Del Diavolo’ Carolina Reaper pepper ice cream produced by The Aldwych Café in Cardonald, Glasgow, Scotland. They estimate the ice cream is around 1,570,000 Scoville heat units, or around 10 times that of a habanero, which, yes, I have squeezed between my buttcheeks on a dare before. “Nobody dared you.” Daring yourself counts. Management says the seasonal flavor is so hot that customers who want to try it must be at least 18 years old and sign a release of liability in order to buy “the world’s most dangerous ice cream.” Pfft, the world’s most dangerous ice cream? Please. Try a scoop of this. “Are those razor blades?” Yes. “And…castor beans?” Ding ding ding — the February Flavor Of The Month: Ricin & Razor Blades! “Is it true anybody who finishes a scoop in a waffle cone gets a free souvenir coffee mug?” That’s correct. “Can I see one of the mugs?” I never had any made.
Keep going for one more shot of an employee holding up the waiver you have to sign in case you thought they were bluffing (I still think they’re bluffing, that looks like a car lease to me).
Source: Geekologie – Icy Hot: Scottish Ice Creamery Makes 1,500,000 Scoville Ice Cream You Have To Sign A Waiver To Buy