This is a short video of a Tesla Model X getting put through its paces with various speed rollover tests. It performs very well, like a Weeble. My Suzuki Samurai? It would have done at least six barrel rolls and caught fire. I can barely back out of my driveway without flipping the car. “You do live in a steep mountain cave.” It’s what wizards do. “That explains the subscription to Witch’s Nips Magazine.” I read it for the spells.
Keep going for the video while I inquire if Tesla is hiring test dummies.
Source: Geekologie – I Think You Passed: Tesla Model X Rollover Testing
(above) I’m not sure what I’m looking at but I want no part of it.
Firefighters in Germany are now being trained to deal with sex toy emergencies (I need a dildo, STAT!), due to a recent spike in people getting their penises stuck in things, and things stuck in their butts. *shrug* It happens. Just stay calm, it’ll come out eventually — that’s my motto.
Emergency crews are being drilled in cutting off penis rings or extracting items that have got stuck in hard to reach places.
The seminar is called Maschinenunfaelle in German, which translates to ‘Mechanical Failures’.
More than 600 firefighters were given a lesson in how to remove penis rings, in Dresden this week.
The 15-minute rescue technique involves inserting a spatula between the victim’s penis and the ring before it is cut off with a grinder.
Man, I’m not sure I’d feel all that comfortable with nothing between my penis and a grinder but a spatula. Could you even imagine being the person sitting there while firefighters grind away a ring just millimeters from you penis? That’ll make you think twice before getting kinky again. “Would it though?” Absolutely not, let’s move to Germany.
Thanks to K Diddie, who agrees you should definitely try using all the butter in your fridge before calling the fire department (two sticks usually does the trick).
Source: Geekologie – Good To Know: German Firefighters Trained To Deal With Adult Toy Emergencies
This is a video of two Canadian lynx screaming at each other, presumably yelling about how ridiculous the other sounds. They sound two witches dying. “You know what a dying witch sounds like?” Please, I’ve been in my fair share of magic battles. And, for the record, they’re nothing like what you see in Harry Potter movies — that’s all fake. “I trust you, GW.” You should, I’d never steer you wrong. “But we’re headed straight for a cliff.” *putting on shades* Pedal to the metal.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Make It Stop: Two Canadian Lynx Screaming At Each Other
This is a video of three young kids demonstrating their surprisingly impressive Transformer costumes. In the mix are Optimus Prime, Starscream (one of my favorites) and Bumblebee. They take a little while to get ready to transform and roll out (skip to 0:30), but once they do, it’s a treat. Now if only the person filming could have just transformed their phone from portrait to landscape mode. It’s kind of crazy to think about — they took what could have been a rock-solid video, and almost rendered it unwatchable. Did they ever stop to think about all the panning they were having to do? And like, maybe there’s an easy fix for that? “Obviously not.” Obviously. I’m so mad I could spit. *spits* “That’s a lot of blood, GW.” I think my stomach is bleeding.
Keep going for the video, complete with ridiculous zoomed sidebars because somebody was clearly determined to make an already bad video even worse.
Source: Geekologie – Little Kids Demonstrating Their Very Impressive Transformer Costumes
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the brand, this is a video of the evolution of Hot Wheels cars, complete with pop-up landmark years for the toys. I learned a lot by watching it — mostly, that I’d forgotten about those heat-activated color-changing cars that were released in 1988. Those were pretty sweet. Man, I can still remember the first time I was finally able to rip the wheels off a Hot Wheels car and jam them up my nose and have to go to the ER to get them removed. “Um, what?” *reminiscing fondly* Those were simpler times.
Keep going for a trip down memory lane.
Source: Geekologie – Video Of The Evolution Of Hot Wheels Cars To Celebrate Brand’s 50th Annivesary
This is the adult-sized sloth costume crafted by Berlin-based prop maker Karoline Hinz. It looks like a sloth and is perfect for wearing to work so you have an excuse when your boss asks what the hell is taking so long on that report. Just look at me! You’re lucky I even made it to work before it was time to leave.
I am a sculptor/propmaker/costume designer and had the chance to make this lifelike sloth costume last year. How could I resist, sloths being my favorite animals on this planet.
It’s a two-layered padded bodysuit, separate movable extended claw-gloves, claw-slippers and of course the head. The face is silicone with punched hair and glass eyes. Give him a hug!
I want one. And I’m not just saying that because my girlfriend loves sloths and it might score me some cuddles, but I don’t get nearly enough cuddles in my life. Sometimes I even beg her to let me be little spoon and she just looks at me like I’m a spatula.
Keep going for a bunch more shots.
Source: Geekologie – Prop Maker Creates Realistic Sloth Costume
Because smoke ’em if you got ’em, Hasbro has successfully trademarked the smell of Play-Doh. Trademarked scents must be proven to “serve no important practical function other than to help identify and distinguish a brand. The smell of an air freshener or a women’s perfume wouldn’t count, for example.” Interesting. In Hasbro’s own words while I cash in on the fact they didn’t trademark the taste and start selling Play-Doh flavored gum and lollipops in grocery store check-out lanes:
The trademarked scent, which Hasbro formally describes as a unique scent formed through the combination of a sweet, slightly musky, vanilla-like fragrance, with slight overtones of cherry, and the natural smell of a salted, wheat-based dough, makes the PLAY-DOH brand one of the few active and certainly most famous scent trademarks in the country…
“The scent of PLAY-DOH compound has always been synonymous with childhood and fun,” said Jonathan Berkowitz, senior vice president of Global Marketing for the PLAY-DOH brand. “By officially trademarking the iconic scent, we are able to protect an invaluable point of connection between the brand and fans for years to come.”
Did you know Play-Doh was originally marketed as a wallpaper cleaner, but so many children liked to play with it that it was rebranded as a toy? That’s true. Kind of reminds me of how I used to play with bleach when I was a kid. It made my fingers feel so slippery! Why is that not a toy? “Because it’ll kill you.” But I’m not dead. “You sure?” No I am not.
Thanks again to James M, who agrees it’s only a matter of time until Tide Pods are branded a toy/after school snack.
Source: Geekologie – Hasbro Successfully Trademarks The Smell Of Play-Doh
This is ‘Arthropoda Iconicus’, a series of imaginary insect illustrations created by artist Richard Wilkinson based on various Star Wars characters. I thought they were all very well done. Some are more blatant than others, but I thought they were all good. Now if only wiping out the Galactic Empire was as easy as reaching for the bug spray. “The same could be said for the Rebel Alliance.” *plugging in bug zapper* What was that, Vader?
Keep going for a ton more, but you can follow the series at it expands on Richard’s Instagram page HERE and buy limited edition prints HERE.
Source: Geekologie – Artist Creates Star Wars Character Inspired Scientific Insect Illustrations
What started as an April Fool’s joke (remember: 9/10ths of all April Fool’s jokes executed by companies are actually test marketing — I’m looking at you, ThinkGeek) is becoming reality, and Japanese toy manufacturer Bandai is releasing a line of weaponized cat action figures. The Nekobusou (‘Armored Cats’) toys will range in price from 500 yen (~$4.50) for a basic figure ,and up to 1,388 yen (~$12.50) for one of the more elaborate ones. Of course they’ll probably end up costing like $60 here in the U.S. because some jerk bought them all and is reselling them on eBay at a ridiculous markup. “You were right! It looks like the seller GWsToychest has got them all.” Wow, what a no-good a$$hole. *shrug* I guess we’ll just have to pay though.
Keep going for several more shots of all the fun to be had.
Source: Geekologie – Bandai Releasing Line Of Weaponized Cat Action Figures
This is a very short video of somebody’s grandma, who appears to keep her cool despite a giant water main (gas line? mole people construction?) explosion covering her in debris. Of course there are those who would argue that she’s didn’t remain calm at all, that she was actually running for her life, which I half believe. I did notice she lost that sort of waddle of hers after the explosion. No, upon closer examination (I’m wearing a monocle now), this is clearly a video of a grandma operating at speed 11. I’d say somebody has earned themselves a nice cup of tea and nap when they get home. Fingers crossed whichever grandchild she decides to call actually picks up.
Keep going for the video while I speculate that this probably isn’t her first explosive rodeo.
Source: Geekologie – Grandma Keeps Her Cool During Explosion
This is a very short video of Doctor Strange edited into some waterpark footage by Jesse McLaren. In his own words while I run through my neighbor’s sprinkler until the calls the cops again. The man needs to invest in a Crocodile Mile:
I took every shot from behind-the-scenes featurettes where Dr. Strange is in front of a greenscreen, and edited him into a waterpark.
Fascinating. I used to love waterparks when I was a kid. I still remember the first time I saw a turd bobbing around in the wave pool. That was the day that I realized I’d finally become a man. “Because of a turd?” What? No, I saw a woman’s top come off on Poseidon’s Revenge.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Thanks, Internet: Doctor Strange Goes To A Waterpark
This is a video of Lewis Hilsenteger of Unbox Therapy discussing and demonstrating his $30,000 computer gaming rig, which features “a zero gravity reclining workstation game chair by Imperatorworks, a 43-inch UHD 4K monitor by LG [plus side monitors], a beefed up Xidax desktop gaming PC, and much more,” including a snack and drink station. Never game hungry — that’s my motto. “I thought it was ‘I give up.'” Haha, no, that’s my work and life motto, this is my gaming motto.
Keep going for the video while I speculate why he didn’t just buy a Dodge Challenger and go play some GTA V in real life.
Source: Geekologie – Guy Shows Off His ,000 Computer Gaming Rig
This is a short video of two of Gary Larson’s Far Side comics brought to life by director Tim Wilson (a big fan of Larson’s work) and the crew at Bruton Stroube Studios. I thought it was a nice tribute. Plus it was fun to see some Far Side in moving pictures just to spice things up a bit — like your girlfriend introducing hot peppers into your love life. “How’d that work out for you?” The emergency room staff should have been way more professional, two out of five stars.
Keep going for the video while I speculate why there was no Midvale School For The Gifted video.
Source: Geekologie – A Video Of Two Of Gary Larson’s Far Side Comics Brought To Life
This is the Nicolas Cage face sequin pillowcase ($21, or $28 with a pillow filling) available from Etsy seller Memeskins. When the sequins all lay in one direction, it looks like an ordinary sequin pillow, but when they’re rubbed in the other direction, BAM — an instant National Treasure. It’s kinda creepy that the rest of his face is missing though, he’s just eyes and a nose and a mouth. “You’d still make out with it.” Oh that was never a question.
Thanks to Lydia, who informed me she wants one of The Rock, and who doesn’t?
Source: Geekologie – Finally, A Sequin Pillow That You Can Rub To Reveal Nicolas Cage’s Creepy Face
Hot on the heels of the Yanny vs Laurel debate (I only heard a demon begging to be set free), this is a new video of an interactive Ben 10 Alien Force toy that sounds like it’s saying ‘brainstorm’ or ‘green needle’ (or, as commenter TheQiwiMan pointed out, ‘brain needle’ or ‘green storm’), depending on what one you want to hear. Pretty cool, right? Unfortunately, no matter how hard I wanted it to, I couldn’t make it sound like it was saying ‘I love you’. That’s something you can never really hear enough, you know? “Awww, I love you.” YOU DON’T MEAN IT. “You know I do.” Whatever, mom!
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Trippy: New Auditory Video Lets You Hear ‘Brainstorm’ Or ‘Green Needle’ Depending On Which You Want To Hear
In don’t tell Magneto unless you want to deal with a boner that could destroy cars news, this is a video featuring a series of slow motion magnet collisions. I thought it was very satisfying, like the first bite of your significant other’s sandwich because they were in the bathroom when the food came. *shrugging with mouth full, finishes chewing* I told you to go before we left the house.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Orderely Chaos: Beautiful Slow Motion Magnet Collisions
This is a short video of a motorbike rider who apparently takes too long to put his ticket away while entering a parking lot and gets clotheslined by the closing gate arm. Although, to his credit, that gate came down awfully quick. It was literally up for two seconds (is there a motion sensor? I’m not convinced the attendants didn’t close it on purpose hoping this would happen). Honestly, I’m not sure I could have even gotten my car through in time, but that’s just me and I would have probably been distracted making out with the hot babe riding shotgun. “Wait — is that…a dummy?” I use her to ride in the carpool lane on my way to work. Plus if I ever get pulled over I tell the officer she’s my lover and immediately engage in some heavy petting. They’re usually caught so off guard they just head back to their cruiser and take off. “But why’s her head on backwards?” She likes to pretend she’s riding in the back of an old station wagon.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – It Happens: Guy On Motorbike Gets Clotheslined By Closing Parking Gate
To celebrate the 10th anniversary of its phone accessories store, this is the 10-kg (22-pound) iron dumbbell iPhone case available from SoftBank of Japan. It costs around $100 and is perfect for letting everyone know you’re one of the strongest iPhone users out there. Unless you can’t even answer a call, then it lets everyone know you’re one the weakest. Good luck talking to my grandma with that thing — she’ll talk your ear AND arm off. Listen grandma, I have to go, but you tell Lucille if she keeps throwing shade at bingo I’ll beat up her grandson, okay? Love you. No, I just ate — I’m fine, really. Love you. Yes, I’ll try to call more often. What? No, we broke up a while ago. Yes, great-grandmother does have a ring to it. Whatever, you’re going to last forever. Seriously though I have to go. Okay, love you too. Kisses. *hangs up phone, realizes my left arm is now three times the size of my right* Well, I guess I’m a professional arm wrestler now.
Keep going for several more shots.
Source: Geekologie – Real Products That Exist: A 10kg (22-Pound) Iron Dumbbell iPhone Case
This is a timelapse video of a large geometric full back tattoo being inked by artist LEWISINK of France, who specializes in creating geometric patterns, both on and off skin (more of his work on Instagram HERE). Plus there’s some BONUS top of the butt crack at the very end of the video. “Grow up, GW.” Don’t even act like you’re not gonna stick around for it now that you know it’s there.
Keep going for the video.
Source: Geekologie – Timelapse Of A Giant Geometric Full Back Tattoo Getting Inked
Note: Full-res version HERE, although you might need to save it to see it in its true form.
This is the Thanos and Infinity Gauntlet desktop created by Redditor TheRealmOfElders, using the icons for Adobe Illustrator, Flash, Photoshop, After Effects, Dream Weaver and Fireworks. I know it’s hard to tell without looking at the full resolution version, but he also added folders in the upper corners of the desktop, each containing half of the universe. That was a nice touch. I guarantee they’re both p0rn though.
Thanks to Matthew R, who agrees Thanos clearly decided to go home instead of going big and trying to destroy the entire universe.
Source: Geekologie – The Adobe Creative Suite Infinity Gauntlet Desktop